Simple Needs

Do words even matter when there's photographic evidence of his joy? All he needed this particular night was footie pajamas with elephants on them and a mop cloth for his head. All was right with the world, all was good for Kev.

Courage

Dear Amiya,

You had a very hard day at school on Monday. Your teacher was frustrated with you because you were disorganized. And you were, in fact, disorganized. This is a problem for you and something you need to work harder to fix.

In her frustration, your teacher said something to you that was unkind and hurtful - moreso in tone than in words. You didn't make it from the classroom to the car without crying. You were very upset. You kept saying how you had never gotten in trouble, how you have never caused problems and you couldn't understand why she yelled at you.

You came home, dried up and told me what happened. The details won't be important by the time you read this. You were disorganized, your teacher unthoughtful. The responsibility lies with both of you.

You wanted me to write a note to the teacher and say the consequence was unfair. I wouldn't. I agree that there should be a consequence for perpetual disorganization. The consequence stands.

You wanted me to write a note and tell the teacher that your feelings were hurt. I told you that I wouldn't. That sometimes feelings can get even more hurt when we write important things down, instead of talking about them face to face.

You wanted me to tell your teacher how she had hurt your feelings. I wouldn't do that either. But I told you I would practice with you so that you would feel confident enough to stand up for yourself.

And so we did. We practiced a lot. We took out all the extra details. We boiled it down to, "Mrs. Xxxxx, when you yelled, "Completely and honestly, I just don't care" at me yesterday, my feelings were very hurt."

When you woke up the next morning, I was sure you were going to say we should drop the whole thing. I thought you would be nervous or scared, but you weren't. And that's when I knew how important this was for you.

So we went in and we waited. And we waited and waited. She was late. But when she finally made it in, we stood with her in a corner. She looked at me, expecting me to talk. I looked at you to make it clear that you were the important person in the conversation at that moment.

You looked your teacher in the eye, way up where she was because she wouldn't bend down to talk on your level. And you said what you felt and you stood your ground in a respectful and appropriate manner. We talked about how all the grown-ups understand the organization issue and that we thought the consequence was appropriate. We also talked about how quickly words and tone can hurt someone and how we have to use them carefully.

You won't read this for many, many years. But someday you will. I want you to know two things:

1. We would have talked to the teacher for you had you not had the courage. Daddy and I want you to stand up for yourself, but we will always, always have your back if you can't.

2. You are strong. It isn't easy to tell someone when they've hurt your feelings or to stand up to someone in a position of power. Lots of grown-ups have trouble doing this and you're learning how to do this while so young. We hope you always have the confidence to stand up for yourself or another, in a respectful way. More of us should have that same skill.

You learned a lot from this experience. And it isn't only to make sure your papers are in the right spots. It's so good to be your parent, Amiya - we're learning just as much as you.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Conflict and Resolution

Conflict:

So a little schmuck in Amiya's class told her that Santa is really just parents and she shouldn't believe in Santa anymore. Amiya told me about this one morning over winter break while we were elbow-deep in flour and spices in the kitchen. (Note to self - bake more with children - they share all kinds of details while mixing and kneading.)

I was flummoxed, verklempt, distraught. She is only 6! It is not time for this, not at all! Her specific question went something like, "Mom, I want to know. Is Santa real?"

I summoned all of my semantic skills, my oratorical prowess, my depth of language (all of which don't amount to much) and came back with something like, "Amiya, Santa is as real as you want him to be."

To which she responded, "But Mom, you're avoiding my question." Damn, she's good. "Is Santa real or is it you and Daddy?"

I retorted, "Mommy and Daddy help Santa."

"But is Santa real?"

I gave up. "Amiya, I am not going to answer that question with a yes or a no. Santa is more than just one person - anyone who believes in giving presents and making people happy is part of Team Santa. So, in a way, yes Mommy and Daddy are part of Santa, but we are not all of Santa."

She seemed either placated or intrigued and the subject was dropped. On her part. But not on ours, we, card-carrying members of Team Santa, had to get to work.

Marlene, a good friend, suggested the movie Elf. Score! She thought it was funny and gross (one in the same when you're 6?), but it got her thinking.

We read books. We talked about believing in something that you can't always see. We visited Santa at the zoo where she buttered Santa up by asking how he was doing and what he was hoping for under the tree.

Up until this point it was touch and go. She wasn't saying much and we weren't directing her either way. If she chose to not believe at this point, ok, we'll roll with that. But since she seemed to want to still believe, we followed her lead.

Resolution:

On Christmas Eve morning, Amiya and Vinay went for a bike ride - just the two of them. They dropped cookies at a friend's house and then rode to Panera for a Daddy/Daughter hot cocoa break. Upon returning home, Amiya was absolutely thrilled and said it was the best morning ever. Weekends are usually the four of us - so special one on one time is just that - special.

The cogs in my brain started working and I told Vinay that he absolutely positively had to go get a new bike for Amiya. Our plan was to get her a bike for her birthday (she'd outgrown her other bike), but maybe if Santa brought her the bike we could move her closer to the still believing category. So, off he went, scouring local stores for the right-sized bike.

In our family, we have a rule about gifts - the kids get three from Mommy and Daddy and three from Santa. We say one for the mind, one for the body, one for the heart. And Santa knows our rule and follows it, too.

Amiya opened her gifts on Christmas morning - she got an outfit for her body, a book for her mind and a horse toy for her heart. And then, amazing but true, she opened the door to the lanai to see a brand new bike, complete with a bell that Santa had taken off of his sleigh to remind her that Santa is about giving. Santa had broken our rule of 3 - it was that element that stood her firmly in the "I believe" category. No one, not even Grandma, breaks the rule of 3. All day long we heard, "I can't believe Santa...." "Santa brought me a bike!" Santa this, Santa that. And so now, Amiya is back where a six year old should be. Believing in magic, and giving, and love.

And someday she might be mad at me, but I'll take that. In the meantime, I'm just happy to have a little kid who believes in something much bigger than herself.

The Truth About Being Married for 9+ Years

Our anniversary came and went in December. Nine years. Can you believe it? I can't - time has flown by. We skipped right past the seven year itch rumor and we're just shy of a decade of wedded bliss. And in that entire, almost-decade long state of marital happiness, Vinay has never once chastised me or told me that I have been derelict in my marital duties.

Until today.

My Mom has been on my case, didn't get to me. A good friend has been on my case, didn't get to me. My Daughter (as an agent of my Mother) has been on my case, didn't get to me. My sister-in-law has been on my case (although just once), didn't get to me.

But when Vinay told me today that I really need to get back to the blog, well. I had to sit up and take notice.

So here I am.

You asked for it!

In no particular order, pictures to get you up to speed.

Kev went to a birthday party where he got a balloon hat shaped like - surprise, surprise! - an elephant. And wow, was he excited. And then wow, was he devastated when it shrunk!

He's learning to write his name. Love it!

And to draw people (before conception which I find especially advanced for a 3 year old).

Here's my little man with a picture of me! I always thought my face had good lines.

Kev and Uncle Mikey on one of his visits. Please note the book title - Love is a Handful of Honey. That's right. Uncle Mikey, ex-Marine, was reading Love is a Handful of Honey.

Amiya (front row, candy-cane socks) and her class doing their holiday performance. They sang "The Everlasting Fruitcake" and it was (completely true, despite being completely biased) the best song of the whole show. She was very cute and very happy to be up there. The girl's got charisma.

Amiya worked hard on gifts for her teachers this year - she chose to make them each a little loaf of apple spice bread and for the first time ever she can really take credit for all the cooking. She did a great job and got rave reviews!

We went caroling for canned goods again this year - above is the original crew, minus a few who were out with a stomach thing.

Amiya, singing at her favorite teacher's house.

Can you see Kev? Second from the left, red sweater, brown shoes? He loved caroling and I still catch him singing jingle bells.

The haul - over 300 canned goods and $150 dollars - all to our school's food pantry. Next year, we're on again - but this time the Dads have to join us!

And then there was Christmas:

Amiya and Kev in front of the tree on Christmas Eve. Amiya was wearing the dress that her cousin Nisha wore as the flower girl in our wedding. I loved seeing her in it and she loved having this connection with her cousin.

Amiya and Grandma. Two peas in a pod. Really. Which brings me to this next picture.

Every Christmas, Amiya, Mom and I get all dressed up and head out for a girls only tea. After dining, we head to the fabulous Tampa Theater for a sing-along showing of White Christmas. Amiya knows every. single. word. of every. single. song. and she sings them all year long. There's one song that is especially popular - "Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters." Skip back a picture. See those two goofballs? Anytime they have something going, they sing, "Sisters, sisters, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada." I can't deny how cute it is.

Amiya wanted an American Girl doll for Christmas, but I talked her out of that - the chicky doesn't ever play with dolls. Instead, she focused on a much more reasonably priced Madame Alexander doll. Amiya's face absolutely lit up on Christmas Eve when she opened her doll up. And then. Oh, and then. When she found the gift from Grandma with a matching dress for both Priya (her doll) and herself. So, so sweet.

More soon. Promise.

A Fabulous Turkey Day, Indeed

Growing up in Wisconsin, with lots of family from my Mom's side and lots of family from my Dad's side, I have great memories of Thanksgiving (and, to be truthful, all major holidays). Thanksgiving was a day to get up early, dress up, and head into the car for the drive from Milwaukee to Green Bay. Along the way, we'd stop in Port Washington for a bathroom break and some sort of liquid refreshment - usually at the Hardee's where it was coffee or OJ and those little hashbrowns.

And then it was The Hunter Game in earnest - whoever spotted a hunter in blaze orange got the prize - until the next person spotted the hunter and then the prize was passed. And so forth. The rules were simple: the hunter had to be verified by another player and the hunter had to be outside of a car.

Once we reached Green Bay, we headed over to the Midway Motor Lodge, right across from Lambeau Field where thousands (alright, dozens) of Hounsells and extended family would meet up. The kids would swim, the grown-ups would visit, etc. All day. And it was a lot of fun.

Around 3, we'd file into a large banquet room for the full Thanksgiving dinner, visit while eating, etc. And then we'd pack up and head home or, if we were really lucky, we'd be staying in a room poolside and get to swim again that night and again the next morning. And then we'd head home.

Such good memories.

I wonder if now that's why I don't have any desire to have a Thanksgiving like that - I can't possibly compete with those memories, with that experience. We are no less than 1500 miles from all of our family, so a huge crowd is out. No one here likes turkey, so it would be silly to make one. And swimming isn't such a treat for the kids since we've moved here - I throw them in the pool everyday for most of the year.

So our Thanksgiving is sort of the anti-Thanksgiving, but I love it. This morning we cleaned the house for a few hours - the kids would say I'm lying, but we all had fun. Kev and Vinay shredded a ton of paper and Amiya and I cleaned up the kids rooms and got her room ready for Uncle Mikey.

Then we had an easy, simple lunch with Uncle Mikey and headed out for a walk to the neighborhood playground. After that, the kids took naps, Mike and Vinay read/watched TV and I worked on dinner. When Kev woke up, he and Uncle Mikey worked on puzzles on the floor.

Kev has some serious love for Uncle Mikey. He wouldn't hold my hand on the way to the park today, only Uncle Mikey. Mommy couldn't help him with his puzzle, only Uncle Mikey. He even put Buzz Lightyear on Uncle Mikey's bed tonight so Uncle Mikey would have someone to cuddle. (And no one, I mean no one, gets Kev's Buzz.)

After puzzles, we had dinner. We had an Indian feast - chicken makhani (a rich chicken curry), lamb stuffed eggplant, gobi (cauliflower) and chana (chickpeas). Also, gulab jaman (sweet cheese dessert balls) for the kids who love them - there has to be something special for Thanksgiving! So, not the right foods, not even the right type of Indian, but our special meal nonetheless.

After dinner, a cuddle on the couch to watch (take a wild guess) The Jungle Book. Poor Uncle Mikey - Kev can't resist dancing through the musical moments and Amiya can't quit explaining the movie (as if it's that hard!). Anyway, Uncle Mikey was a good sport - and that's all our kids want. It's neat to see how much they care for him after only two little visits.

And then Vinay made my day entirely - I asked him to just get the Christmas stuff down so I could start on it in the next few days. He wanted to go above and beyond that - he got it down and decided we should set the tree up. And then that we should put the lights up. And then the ornaments! So yeah!!!

The kids helped hang the ornaments and then we all got ready for the star on top. It's never as climactic as it is on the TV commercials, but maybe it's because we're just so safety conscious here. Kev did his part when he decided to hold Daddy's heels so he wouldn't fall.

So I guess the moral of the story is that we can never have the sort of Thanksgiving that I had growing up. It couldn't work for us and it wouldn't work for us, so we've done our own thing. And it's pretty fantastic. Tonight I'm feeling grateful for new traditions.

In the spirit of giving thanks, we have once again created our masterpiece Thanksgiving turkey on our fridge. Who needs fancy decorations when you could have this looking back at you everyday? Just sayin'.

Anyway, each day of November sees the Gupta kids thinking about what is good in their lives. Over their oatmeal we fill in a feather - Amiya tells us what she is thankful for and Kev tells us what he loves (thankful is still sort of abstract for him). Then the feather goes up and all month long we see our previously naked turkey become more and more plump with all that is good in our life.

In no particular order, here are Amiya's thoughts:

Having a great family

School supplies

Having a low risk of hurricanes

Having enough books to read

Water

A Daddy who is understanding

Friends

Having enough money

Shelter

Insurance

Having enough food to eat

Being healthy

Giving and getting

A family who loves me

Enough clothes and shoes in good shape

Movies

Principals

Problems

Teachers

Second chances

Mrs. Boatright (her main teacher)

Spirit

Kev

Grown-Ups

Myself (she put herself on there)

Josie (a good friend)

Uncle Mikey

And Kev, a bit more random, but fully representative of who he is:

Mommy and Daddy

Mommy and Daddy (we made his list twice! My ego is assuaged for not making Amiya's at all!)

Puzzles

Marshmallows

Gymnastics

Brody (best friend ever)
Hugs

Having super, super animals

Elephants

Didi (Amiya)

Miss Ashley and Miss Mae (His fantastic preschool teachers)

Miss Ashley (On the list again!)

Miss Mae (And again! Should I be jealous?!?!?)

Miss Erin (Brody's Mommy)

Santa Claus

Giraffes

Hilani (a friend from preschool)

Colonel Haathi (from The Jungle Book)
Gooses (would not let me put geese)

Princesses

Didi's MP3 Player

Going to California (um, what? when? shouldn't I know about this?)

Friends

Library Books

Hugs

Chana

Uncle Mikey

They would have each put Uncle Mikey on every feather if they could have - Uncle Mikey is coming today and they have both asked at least eleventy million times if he's here yet. There's some serious love from these kids to their uncle!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone - I hope today is full of moments of gratitude. The glass is way more than half full, don't you think?

Ah, siblings.

I made a comment on Facebook the other day about how when 'girl' toys and 'boy' toys collide, the pets from Littlest Pet Shop end up in Lego rockets on their way to Mars. Whatever makes the kids happy and keeps them from tearing the house into a million pieces makes me happy.

Somedays they play so, so, so nicely together.

Like this day:
Amiya and Kev were playing on the computer, having a great time. Amiya was working the mouse and whatever she was doing (on sproutonline) was making Kev laugh with huge, huge belly laughs. And while the content of the site was probably not what Amiya was most interested in, she was having such a good time amusing her brother.

Later that night, they had a 'sleepover' in Kev's room. Kev was on his bed, Amiya on the floor on a pallet of blankets next to him. After many more giggles and a few stern warnings from us to go to sleep they finally quieted down. And all that quiet made me wonder what they were into, so I peeked in the door. Here's what I found:
He didn't want to be away from his sister, so he moved his pillow down by her. I'm willing to put money on him trying to tickle her feet, hence the heads down bit. Amiya had had a busy day at school and was really tired, so she probably told him to knock it off. And he did and that's why he's at her feet like a puppy dog.

Anyway, they're like yin and yang. Two parts to a whole.

How much do I love her?

She's almost seven, yet she still sleeps every night with her bear in her arms. It kills me when I walk in her room and see her this way. She's perfect and precious, just like every other child in the world. But we're the only parents lucky enough to have her.

Life is good.

Kev's Thanksgiving Spectacular

Kev had his first ever "show" last week. All of the preschoolers (2 and up) learned songs in their classes and then invited the parents in to see them perform.

This first picture is only remarkable because six months ago Kev would never have sat still for so long to watch the other kids. But he did! And he was one of the calmest of his class. Whoo-to-the-hoo!

Here we see Kev singing some Thanksgiving song. We were, once again, amused that one of our children who is loud, loud, loud couldn't have been doing more than mouthing the words. Not a peep was heard from our little turkey.

And here he is singing "The Turkey Tango." There were supposed to be some crazy arm movements, too, but Kev's were a bit lackluster.

And here he is, with the rest of the choir, for the rousing finale of This Land is Your Land. Once again, Kev did not participate in the hand movements, but we could hear him singing out the line about "from the redwood forests to the gulf stream wa-a-ters."
And finally, because any day that starts with such excitement is your-money-back-guaranteed to end with tears, a picture of that day's travails. I can't remember why he was crying, but I think that had he been singing into a makeshift microphone, he could have been Tom Cruise's double in Risky Business.

Princess Amiya

The second grade at Amiya's school is a year of much excitement - but it would seem that nothing can top the Fairy Tale Bowl and the Fairy Tale Stroll.

Second graders spend a month studying the genre of the fairy tale. I guess I never realized that it is a genre unto itself, but it seems that it is and that it must be studied. So it is.

The children spent their time reading different tales, analyzing them, charting them, becoming one with them. And then they took a quiz - and the four students who got the best scores in the shortest amount of time get to be on the team that represents that class against other classes in the annual Fairy Tale Bowl. (ie. Jeapordy for Fairy Tales)

Amiya got hers in first and scored 100%, so she not only got to be on the team, but she got to be the captain. The exciting thing is that the captain is the person who, after consulting with teammates, gets to answer the questions. Luckily for this team, Amiya has had a great deal of practice talking. It was a good fit.


Here's the team prior to the game. Looking good, looking strong. They probably all carbo-loaded on pancakes and chocolate milk for breakfast. Mmmmmm.

See that buzzer? Oh yeah, this was serious stuff. And the buzzer proved to be a serious problem. This team was a little quick to the buzzer - and it ended up costing them a lot of points.


Not that they cared! They still tied for second place and were very happy about it - as evidenced by Amiya's smile with her medal.

The next day was no less exciting. The children were all supposed to pick a character from a fairy tale and wear a costume representing that character to the Fairy Tale Stroll. The stroll itself was a little confusing for us parents, but once we got it figured out, all was well. The kids "strolled" from class to class to do projects based on a specific fairy tale.

The neat part about this day, for me at least, was that Amiya was adamant, absolutely adamant, that she was going to be a character from a fairy tale that was Indian or at least not blonde-haired. I wanted her to be The Paper Bag Princess because that is the most awesome princess ever, but it was not to be. She scoured her books and her memory for any recollection of a princess that was closer to her heritage. She finally settled on Maha, from The Golden Sandal. The Golden Sandal is a Middle Eastern version of Cinderella and Maha (when dressed for the party) wears a beautiful white gown with a gold sash and golden slippers. So, off we went to JoAnn's for a pattern, fabric and spray paint. And this is what we came up with:

I think she's showing a bit much around the ankles to be a true Maha, but she looked pretty cute!

And a bit closer on the hands because we mehndi'd her right up - Maha went to a mehndi party in the book, although it's not clear if she was actually tatted up. But in Amiya's little mind any excuse to mehndi is a good excuse!


And that's all we've got for the celebration of fairy tales. I hope that our little Princess Amiya will always feel so strong and so proud of her roots and self-confident enough to do her own thing - even if it means being the only girl in her class without pink sparkly wings and a glittery wand.

Halloween Pictures

Before they got all hot and sweaty.

Out trick or treating.


Rarrrrrrrrrring at the camera.

With Kev's best buddy, Brody.

Amiya giving her On the Banks of Plum Creek book report.

Half-Pint in the Bookaween Parade at school.

It's hard work being a tiger.

I love the tail.

The Great Pumpkin comes every year and takes away most of the kids candy, leaving a small toy instead. The Great Pumpkin brought Amiya the movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (she's in heaven) and Kev got a Buzz Lightyear doll - he carries it everywhere!

Gettin' Fit

So the kids have seen Mommy doing a lot more exercise than before - swimming, walking, videos, etc. and they want in on the action.

Amiya has been doing really well - she has swimming twice a week and gymnastics once a week - but on the weekends she wants to work out. So, I put in an aerobics video for her and off she goes. This one is the equivalent of walking 4 miles in 50 minutes - and she did the whole thing. Not exactly in rhythm and not always in step, but the chicky surprised me with her endurance.
And then there's Kev. He made it through three minutes of cool down stretches before he gave up and found something more exciting to do. Who can blame him? Cool down stretches stink!

Halloween Has Come Early

Kev is all about the dress up lately - if only because with a big sister, he has no chance of not being made to wear silly, frilly costumes all the time.

Poor kid.

This is like Richard Simmons, without the big hair.

I don't even know where to start.
Kev goes granny?
This is actually his holiday outfit for this year - he wanted to try it on and show Daddy.
He's also very, very excited about Halloween - thanks to an awesome costume made by Grandma. We're working out how to stick whiskers on him - should be fun!